CLOWN TOWN

Episode 1

EXT. TOWN SQUARE - DAY

A sea of NPCs. Some with respirator masks. Some with picket signs.

A podium rises out of the crowd. MAYOR GROOMSBY takes the mic.

GROOMSBY

THE CROWD

Booo!!!

GROOMSBY

But you’re all eligible for booster shots!

THE CROWD

Yaaayyy!!

GROOMSBY

Unfortunately, you’ve used up all of your carbon for the month.

THE CROWD

Booooo!

GROOMSBY

But we have taxes!

THE CROWD

Yaaaaayy!!!
GROOMSBY
I know they/them love taxes!

Close ups of the crowd– same faces but different hair styles and pronoun pins with various genders.

GROOMSBY

I’d like to introduce zers to tonight’s MC: Dr. Lizzy Redshield. Lizzy is the founder of “No SADS”- a non-profit looking to cure humanity’s worst disease - Sudden Adult Death Syndrome.

Lizzy takes the mic. She is a reptile in a human mask. Her voice is the same as Siri’s.

LIZZY

Thank you, Mayor Groomsby. Good people of Clowntown and all key stakeholders around the world…

The NPCs are confused.

LIZZY

Putin bad! Inflation good!

THE CROWD

Yaaay! Woohoo!

A HUGE SCREEN rises from the stage with a QR code. The NPCs scan it– prompting an invoice. They all click the button: “PAY GOVERNMENT”

Billionaire GILL BATES appears on the mega-screen. He addresses the crowd streaming from Davos, Switzerland.

GILL (ON THE SCREEN)

Eradicating Sudden Adult Death Syndrome requires us to work together and potentially make huge lifestyle changes…

BILL (CONT’D)

But don’t you fret– My colleagues in Burkina Faso have developed a SADS vaccine!

Crowd goes wild. Needles protrude from their phones and jab them.

Anytime NPCs hear the word “vaccine” their arms flap like little excited hummingbirds. Once injected- they’re rewarded with credits like “Free Vasectomy” and “Dinner in the Metaverse.”

INT. DAVOS CONFERENCE ROOM - SAME TIME

A large table surrounded by the usual bugmen– ARMY GENERAL BROLICK, DR. SKEETER BOWTEZ, his royal highness the PRINCE OF ARABIA, and shouting from across the room, ZE GRAND CHANCELLOR KLAM- in a thick German accent.

KLAM

BACK IN CLOWN TOWN –

On the mega-screen.

GILL BATES

I want to remind you– Sudden Adult Death Syndrome is a bit of a misnomer. So I’m happy to announce newborns and pregnant persons may also receive their injections.

NPCs flap thier happy hummingbird wings.

GILL (CONT’D)

General Barbara Brolick will brief you on the latest on SADS in terms of climate change and how it might affect non-essential humans.

General Brolick is built like Shwarzenegger but wears a skirt. His jacket decorated with army medals.

GENERAL BROLICK (ON SCREEN)

Attention!!

All the NPCs salute.

The crowd kneels.

GENERAL BROLICK (CONT’D)

Some of you cisgendered swine been blowing carbon like this was the before times… On your feet, Colored first!!!

Brolick unfolds a colorful flag for the camera.

GENERAL BROLICK

To commemorate the 10th anniversary of The Russian Invasion- we’ve updated Ukraine’s flag with another chevron.

SOYJAK goes nuts!

GENERAL BROLICK (CONT’D)

But due to the compartmentalized nature of this psyop and for reasons far above my pay grade – this excitement must not overshadow the angst you shall take to twitter…

The crowd holds their breath…

GENERAL BROLICK (CONT’D)

It seems there’s been a decline in sex change vouchers! Some of you are hesitant to chop your child’s penis off.

Noooooooo!!!!

POLJAK

I highlight the intersection between climate skeptics and anti -penis-hackers.

Booo!! Anti-haxxers!

LIZZY

Perhaps the honorable doctor PHD professor Skeeter Bowtez can succinctly, as we’re coming up on a commercial break, best you can– describe to whom specifically should the American People direct their angst?

BOWTEZ